A Simple Twist Of Fate
by Sora Takenouchi Ishida
Summary: Three years later he's back to Chicago. Will Abby take him back and let them become a family?Carby.
1. Back To Where He Should Never Have Gone

**Chapter 1: Back To Where He Should Never Have Gone**

During all that year I thought that he was in love with me. But, for some reason that I'll never be able to explain, there was something different in our relationship. Maybe differences, personal problems, I don't know. He always was the cerebral type and I, the emotional one. And then he went to Africa without telling me. He came back, but it no longer was the same. Then he headed back to Africa and met Kem. But he didn't know he had left a life growing inside of me. At first, I didn't want to take the idea of being a mother and to be 'stuck' on him forever. But, when Emma was born, I changed. I discovered that I loved that child more than anything, even she's being his daughter. And, since that day, I promised to myself that I'd never tell her who was her father. To her best, and mine too. I couldn't handle having to share my daughter with someone that I loved – and hated – for so long.

It was when he came back from Africa. They had taken a break. They just have lost a son. Knowing he thought he wouldn't be able to be a father again touched me. He didn't know he was already a father. But, I was determined to not tell her – and him – that they were father and daughter. I knew I couldn't avoid them to see each other. So, I had to make up something.

"I'm sorry for your son"

"Don't be. It wasn't mean to be"

"You know, you can count on me" – I said, although I didn't mean for real.

"Thanks. I… knew that you had a daughter. Congratulations"

At that moment I realized I had to do something, since I didn't want to tell the truth.

"Yeah. Her name is Emma. She's two years"

"I bet she's beautiful. And her father?"

I had to make up an excuse quickly.

"Oh… he doesn't know about her. Actually, he'd gone away before he knew I was pregnant"

"I'm sorry"

"It's ok. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yeah, can I?"

"Sure. Now?"

"Ok"

Then we headed to my house in his jeep. Suddenly I realized what I was doing. I was ceding, but it was too late.

"Emma, mommy's home. Come here. There's someone that wants to know you"

She quickly went downstairs, curious to know how it was.

"Honey, this is John Carter"

"Hi, nice to meet you"

She hid behind me.

"I'm sorry, she's scared. It's ok, sweetheart. He's just a mommy's friend"

"Hi" – she said shyly – "Are you the guy from Africa?"

"Yes, he is. Sorry about that"

"No problem"

"Mommy has to go now. I'll be back later"

"Bye" – she kissed my cheek.

"Your daughter is beautiful. It's a shame that the father doesn't even care"

"Yeah, but it's better this way. He was just a thing from the past. Doesn't mean anything to me anymore"

_I want so bad to tell her that Kem and me aren't together anymore. Tell her that because of her I'm back to where I shouldn't have left. Tell he that she was the woman I ever loved. Tell her I couldn't stop thinking about her. But, apparently she moved on. That's what I should do. But I don't know if I'll ever be capable. It's too painful. If, at least, Emma were my daughter, it'd be easier._

"All I want is a child to raise, to play with. I miss that"

"You can have that"

"You think? I got Lucy pregnant and she died by being stabbed. Kem lost my child. I don't know if I'd be a good father"

"Sure you would. It's just a phase. It'll go away soon"

"I hope so"

My opinions changed a little. But I was still determined to not to tell. Who knows what he will want to do about it. And we stayed there, talking.


	2. Hidden Feelings

**Chapter 2: Hidden Feelings**

"So, I think we never had the chance to talk about what happened in Africa. How did you meet Kem?"

"Well, I… she caught my attention since the first time I saw her. We had so much fun. But I think that I never loved her. That's why I'm back. I realized that, in my whole life, I only loved one woman"

I knew he was talking about me. I didn't wanna accept, but it was too painful for me to see him leaving to Africa.

"You know, getting over you was the hardest thing I ever did"

Sometimes I still think I love him, but I won't let myself go through this again.

"It was for me too. But we can start over" – he said, grabbing my hand.

He was leaning over to kiss me and, for a moment, I was moving towards him. But, suddenly, I pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this. I promised never to go through this again. It's good this way"

"I understand"

Something was unfinished between us. Something that, now I was sure, he felt. I never forgot him, but I didn't want to show weakness and pain. That's for disestablished people. I'm not one of them, although I seem to sometimes.

_Should I let this happen? _

"Look, I'm really sorry. I should have stayed with you when gamma died, instead going before my brother. I screwed up. You were always there for me and I wasn't. I guess I never got the chance to make it up. I wanted you to know that it wasn't easy for me either. It was hard to see you leave and know that it was my fault. I went to the airport the second time you came. When I saw her, my heart broke. I didn't want to accept that you were in love with somebody else"

"Abby… I… didn't know"

I fought against my tears. I couldn't show that I still had feelings for him.

"Carter… I… I don't know"

"I love you Abby. I always had" – he took my hands.

"Then why you left?"

"I don't know. I mean, you already said. I was hurt that you preferred to be with brother instead of me"

"You knew he was the only constant thing in my life. The only thing I could ever count on. I thought I could save him. And I still regret for making the wrong decision. I knew how much gamma was important to you"

"You did what you thought right"

"I got confused when you said you weren't going to be waiting in the sidelines to Luka and me break up. When I finally did, I saw you kissing Susan. That hurt me. Then I promised myself never cede, but when we were isolated, I couldn't pull back. I stood still, waiting for you to kiss me, just like now"

He leans over and kisses me.

"I knew you'd be jealous"

"But you have to say that something else happened with Susan"

"I thought so. But, with you I knew true love. I was an inconstant person, I fell in love with everybody. Forgive me"

"You're forgiven" – I answered.

We were getting closer e ended up kissing. In two years, I felt love again.


	3. Just Like In The Old Times

**Chapter 3: Just Like In The Old Times**

"I have to go"

"It's raining. Wanna a ride?"

"No, thanks. I want to take the rain"

"Ok"

"See you"

And then I left in the rain. It felt so good taking it, that I didn't want anything else. And I found myself lying in the grass. He passed by me distracted, probably must be thinking about the moments we just had, and he looks at me and makes a scary face.

"What are you doing?"

"Enjoying the moment"

"Are you insane?"

"I don't know. Maybe I am. But so what? You should come. It's really nice"

"Oh, I don't know"

"C'mon" – I said, pushing his sweater.

He falls over me and we both feel ashamed.

"Better get off you"

"I think so too" – I said, hesitant

"You're right. It's great"

"See, told you"

When I looked him and saw the way he looked to the sky, gave me a wish to kiss him. It looked like I was a teenager again. No, it reminded me of the time we used to date.

"Those were great times"

"What?"

"That we used to date. In the beginning, because later…"

"Yeah"

"It was the first time I really loved someone. I couldn't love someone with the same intensity I loved you again"

"Abby…"

"All the good memories are still kept in my heart"

"I keep them too. But we still can have that. I know you want to"

My breath got heavy and even more when his face was a few centimeters away from mine and, with each second that passed, we came a little close to each other. I tried to move, but I was petrified. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there, next to the man I always loved in these 3 years. I wanted him to own me. The way only him can do. And we kissed. He started to unbutton my shirt and I started to do it on his. But, suddenly, I realized what I was doing. I was letting him go back to my life. I promised myself I wouldn't. But it's just it felt so good with him by my side, so protective. All I wanted was being able to call him mine. I wanted to be able to finally say to Emma that he's her father. I wanted to be able to have a real family, anyway. But all I wanted in the first place was to be sure that he feels the same, to be able to kiss him without having to be worried.

"Let's go home" – I said, pushing him and then buttoning my blouse.

"But what about Emma?"

"Oh yeah! I forgot about her. I'll check with Susan if she can take care of her" – I dialed the numbers – "Hey, it's me. Listen, can you take care of Emma tonight?"

"Sure, bring her. So you got a date?"

"Yeah, if you can call it a date"

"And won't you tell me?"

"Later. I gotta go"

"Abby… ok, fine"

"Sorry…" – And I hung up – "Susan is gonna take care of Emma and we can continue from where we stopped" – I smiled.

"I'm not so sure"

Suddenly, I felt empty. He was the one who kissed me. He came to find me and said all those things about true love.

"I'm sorry. I think this wasn't a good idea"

I must say that I got disappointed, but relieved. I didn't want to tell my daughter that her father and I got back together and then have to go through the pain of watching him leave again e share it with her this time.

"I just… felt that it was right. I thought that…"

"…We could work things out? It's not that simple, Abby. Things changed. You have a daughter now and I just lost a son"

"I know. But I was convinced that you haven't changed. Now I know I was wrong. I just… I just thought you loved me"

"And I do"

"Then why don't give another chance?"

"It's too complicated. I don't want to go through this again"

"And you think I do? You have no idea how much I cried when I received that letter"

"That made me woke up. Those people needed me. And you didn't"

"Right. Then go back to them and never come back here"

And then I left. I tried to handle but it was hard to accept that he had changed so much. Before he wouldn't hesitate and now he doesn't know what to do. But it's better off this way. And I cried. I cried like a teenager in love.


	4. In Pain Again

**Chapter 4: In Pain Again**

Next day…

"Hey, I thought you'd drop Emma at my house"

"Oh well… the date didn't go the way I wanted"

"I'm sorry. But who was the lucky guy?"

"…"

"Oh no! Carter again?" – she screamed

"Not out loud!"

"Did you… you know?"

"Almost, but no"

"Does he know he's Emma's father? Are you guys together?"

"No and no. He was in doubt, then I told him to go back to Africa"

Susan just hugged me, and I cried again.

"I'm sorry about this"

"I know"

"I just wanted that he had stayed in Africa and went away from my life for good"

"…"

"I mean. I'm not a toy. He can't play with my feelings and make my life a mess every time he decides to show up"

"I understand"

"I need to get back to work" – I said, washing my tears away

_And I'm going to talk to Carter_

"Carter, I finally found you"

"What's wrong?"

"We need to talk"

"About?"

"…"

"Oh… ok"

"So, you think you can show up in her life saying you love her and then pull back?"

"Susan… I…"

"Carter, you don't know how hard it was for her to get over you"

"I know"

"So, why you kissed her? And why you said you could start over? Did you know she could fall in love with you again?"

"Susan, look, I'm giving Kem another chance"

"You what?"

"Yeah, she called. We're trying to work things out. I'm going back to Africa"

"Oh… I didn't see that coming. I'm happy for you, Carter, but…" – Susan put her hand on Carter's shoulder – "…She's falling in love with you, Carter. And you know you can't leave before solving the things with her"

"I can't"

"There's much more than you see"

"What?"

"You'll figure it out later. Just talk to her, right?"

"Right" – he answered, heading to the doctors lounge – "Now what? What should I do?"

"You tell me"

"Oh… I… I didn't know you're here"

"Yeah, I was just thinking a bit" – I said, washing my tears away – "Now I need to go back"

Suddenly he held my arm.

"I think we need to talk"

"Fine. Go ahead" – I said, sitting

"Look, I'm going back to Africa"

"Oh… good for you"

"Kem and I are going to try again"

"I'm glad for you" – I said, disappointed

"Really?"

"No!" – I yelled – "I was hoping you had a crush on me again. But you didn't. I didn't get how could you want to stay with me and then pull back"

I couldn't fight against my tears, so I just let them fall

"My life isn't a place where you can show up and make it a mess anytime you want, Carter"

"I'm sorry. I need to think about things and rearrange them. But one thing is certain. I love you. I just need to know that it's for real"

"Then don't go" – I said, resting my head in his chest – "Stay here with me"

"I can't" – he said, pushing me against his body and hugging me – "At least not now. I'll talk to Kem and I'll be back soon. I promise"

And he kissed me. I felt like he loved me that moment

"I love you"

"I love you too"

"Here, keep this" – he put a ring on my finger – "This is not a proposal, it's just for you to remember that I'll be back. It belonged to Gamma and you can throw it away if I won't come"

"So, we're together?"

"Yeah, I think we are"

"For real?"

"Yeah" – he smiled and hugged me

Then he looked deeply in my eyes and got his face closer to mine until he touched his lips on mine, shyly. We pulled back and I kept my eyes closed, waiting for him to kiss me again. I opened my eyes to see why he wasn't kissing me and I saw his back facing me.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I…"

"Why did you stop kissing me?"

"…"

"Oh… right. Well, let me know when you're ready"

I was leaving the lounge, but he grabbed my arm and put my body against his in an embrace.

"I'm ready"

And he kissed me passionately. We were walking till I fell on the bed with him over me. He started to take off my gown and we stopped kissing to he takes my t-shirt off and we went back kissing. Then I started to unbutton his shirt, still kissing, and opened his pant zipper. He kissed my neck and went down to my chest. I sighed and he smiled. When things were getting there, Susan walked in the room.

"Oh my… I'm so sorry"

He gets away from me so I can get up. We started to collect our clothes, both ashamed.

"Now what? We can't pass by the reception this way and Weaver is coming"

"Fast, close the blinds and lock the door" – he said, getting dressing quickly

"So, are you really going?"

"Where?"

"You know, Congo"

"Yeah. I don't know"

"Please don't go. For me"

"I'll think about it"

"Is my hair messy?"

"Yeah, let me fix it"

He approached me and I quickly kissed him. He smiled to me

"I'll go first. I need to find Susan before she tells Weaver. Promise me you won't leave without talking to me"

"Ok"

"Susan, we need to talk"

"About?"

"What you saw in the lounge"

"You and Carter having sex?"

"Yes. Promise me you won't tell anybody"

"Abby, I…"

"Susan…"

"I mean, I'm happy for you guys, but I can't hide something like this"

"Please. For me" – I begged her.

"Ok, fine. But don't do that again"

"Thank you"

And then I started looking for him and I found him ready to leave.

"Hey, are you going?"

"No, I was waiting for you, as you asked"

"Oh… Thanks, I guess"

"So, want some coffee?"

"Yeah, I'm on my break now"

We went out and headed to Doc Magoo's.

"So, how long are you gonna stay in Congo?"

"Two or three days. I don't wanna stay much. You know, because of you and because of the memories I tried to forget"

"I'll miss you"

"Me too. But I promise I'll be back soon"

"You wanna go home to… you know?"

"What?"

"I mean, we started two times, but we didn't finish neither of them"

"Yeah, sure. It's gonna be my goodbye party" – he said, kissing me.

"Susan, can you take care of Emma? I have something do to" – I said, looking at him.

"Yeah, no problem" – she answered, understanding and smiling

"Thank you"

"Anytime"

6 hours later, my shift ended

"So, ready to go?"

"Actually, I still have 1 hour and a half. I'll drop at your house by 10, ok?"

"Yeah, sure"

"You scored" – Susan joked – "Have you thought about what I said?"

"Yes"

"So, are you going to try again? You're coming back to her?"

"Yeah. I love her more than anything"

"Great. I'm so happy for you guys!"

"Thanks"

"And what will you say to Kem?"

"That I can't give her another chance. I belong here. Next to Abby. Taking care of patients. In Chicago"

"Oh Carter… you finally realized! We missed you so bad in these years that went by. County isn't the same without you"

"I know"

"Here, call Kem and tell her you're not going to Africa"

"What?"

"Just do that. For Abby"

"…"

"Carter! I knew you hadn't decided yet. Well, you must make a decision now. Before it's too late and she changes her mind about giving you another chance"

"Susan, I'm not going to do this"

"You have to"

"No!"

"You're gonna hurt Abby if you don't"

"I don't have time for that"

"Right. Always the time excuse. Can't you think something better?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm back with Abby and that we are over?"

"Yes"

"We just lost a son! I can't just come and say we're over"

"I see. But are you gonna keeping giving fake hopes to Abby like this?"

"I'm not giving fake hopes to Abby! But I also can't dump Kem"

"Great! Do what you want. Keep playing with Abby's feelings like she was a toy! Enter and leave from her life like you were the owner. You have no idea how hard it was for her to get over you!"

"I'm not discussing this with you"

"You don't need to. Everybody knows that you pull back when something bad happens. That's way you pulled back when Abby went after Eric, instead of being with you"

"But she was the one who asked the key back when I came from Africa"

"Of course! You went even she asking you to stay!"

"You know what? I'm not supposed to discuss this with you. But if she had agreed to marry me, things would be different"

"You didn't even proposed right!"

"Oh, c'mon!"

"Don't blame her if your relationship had gone wrong!"

"I'm not blaming her! But I can't blame myself. I'm leaving"

"Carter! Come back!"

_Men!_

Susan walks past Luka and bumps him

"Be careful!"

"Sorry"

"What's the rush for?" – Abby asked.

"No reason. I was talking to Carter"

"And?"

"He really went. I'm sorry. But I think you can catch him if you hurry"

"I can't. I'm working"

"Oh my… Don't I have to convince you too?"

"No, I can't go. He decided that and won't be me who's changing"

"Abby, stop being so spoil! Grab Emma and go to the airport"

"Pick Emma?"

"Sure. If you say to him she's his daughter. I'm pretty sure he stays"

"No! I won't use my daughter as a reason to he stay"

"You know he might never come back"

I looked Susan in shock and then to what he had put on my finger.

"You're right. I can't let him go!"

And then I ran to my house to pick Emma and we headed to the airport.

_I hope we arrive on time_

"John…" – I said, running with Emma towards him

He was already leaving, but he could hear me. He turned back and saw us. He came towards us and hugged me. I'm sure he felt like we were a family that moment. He pulled away, smiles and leaves.

"Goodbye daddy" – Emma said with tears in her eyes.


	5. Good Or Bad?

**Chapter 5: Good Or Bad?**

"So, you told Emma that Carter is her father?"

"Yes, I thought it was right. I know I'm gonna regret" – I said with tears in my eyes.

"Oh Abby… why?"

"I don't know, I couldn't control myself. I…" – I took a deep breath – "I thought he would stay if he felt like we were a family"

"I'm pretty sure he did"

"I don't think so. Anyway, I have to drive Emma home. I'll be back tomorrow"

"Ok, see you then"

"Well, Emma…" – I said, picking her up – "Let's go home"

"Mommy… when is daddy coming back?"

"I…" – I took a deep breath before continuing – "I don't know, honey. I really don't know"

"But… he will, won't he?"

"I don't know"

I could feel the pain my daughter was feeling. And I couldn't do anything to stop it. I knew she wanted, she needed her dad. And I couldn't make sure to her that I would get back together with him.

"_You're going, aren't you?"_

_He just shakes his head_

"_It's not Rio, but it's not here" – he said, between tears_

"_I asked you not to go. I'm afraid you never come back" – I pressed my head against his chest and hugged him_

"_I have to. I need to save those people. I want to"_

"_Well, I guess the opinion of a caring girlfriends doesn't matter" – I pulled away_

"_Abby… let's not make this harder"_

"_I'm not making this harder, you are! You prefer to save the world and take risks than staying safe with your girlfriend"_

"_You know, Luka's there too"_

"_He didn't listen to me. There's nothing I can do. And besides, he's not my boyfriend"_

"_I'm still going"_

"_Fine, do what you want!" – I turned to get in the ER, but I turned to face him again – "John, you know… I'm…" – I turned to get in the ER_

"_What?"_

"_Forget it"_

"_Tell me, what is it?" – he grabbed my arm, making me look at him_

"_Forget it"_

"_Fine! It's always like this. You never say a word to me. That's way everything is going so wrong"_

"_I know that you will stay if I say. It's something that will change our lives. But I want you to go. It's something stupid anyway"_

"_Well, I guess that's it. We're done. It's over"_

"_Right" – I looked to the floor_

"_Look, I'm sorry. I'll be back. Wait for me"_

"_You know, I can't wait too much. I'll miss you"_

"_I know, I'll miss you too"_

"It's complicated, sweet. The things between your dad and me are complicated. I don't know if we're together or not"

"Well, you're wearing a ring"

"Yeah, but I don't know if this means something"

"Seems so. Why are you so disbelief?"

"Because… he's done that before. And he came back with another woman, pregnant. Your dad is instable emotionally. He always needs to be with someone"

Later…

"_Abby, it's me, John. If you're home, pick up. Ok, listen. There'd been a change of plans. It'll take a while to come back. There's something I still need to solve. I don't like talking to answering machines, so if you're home, please pick up"_

"John… hey" – I ran to answer the phone.

"Hey, I thought you're working"

"No, what's wrong? What you need to solve?"

"Things with Kem"

"I thought you already did"

"Yeah… no"

"So, when will you come back?" – I asked, disappointed – "You know, Emma's asking for you"

"Really? Why?"

"No reason. She just liked you" – I lied.

"Well, I guess in 5 days"

"5 days!"

"I'm sorry"

"You know, I can't wait anymore. I can't go on lying to myself. I waited for you when you went to Africa. And you came back with a pregnant woman. I won't let this happen again. I won't!"

"Abby, listen to me…"

"I think I made things very clear, Carter. I don't wanna press you. You are free to decide what is the best for you. If she is the best, you should stay with her"

"I…"

"Do what you heart says. I'll accept your choice, good or bad. Goodbye"

After midnight, Abby woke up by hearing Emma crying

"What happened, sweetie? It's ok, mommy's here. You don't need to cry"

"I want daddy"

"Sweetheart, he's not here. I don't know if he wants a family. I don't know if he wants _us_ as his family

"Can I sleep in your bed?"

"Yes, sure" – I picked her up and took her to my bedroom – "It's gonna be ok. Mommy won't leave you alone"

"I just want daddy to be here"

"You know, he can't. He's solving his own things. And please, don't talk about him anymore. It's hard enough for me to deal with this"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you"

"You didn't, honey" – I hugged her.

It hurt me to know that I had hurt my daughter. I felt like I was the most horrible person in the world that moment. I tried to sleep after she did, but I couldn't. And I cried again. Why, you must be asking me. Because he has a family he don't even know he has. But I don't wanna make him take a decision that might not make him happy. Then I decided to leave a message on his cell phone. I dialed the first numbers and hesitated in dialing the last ones. But I was certain of doing this, without caring with the consequences.

"Carter… hi, it's Abby. Listen, I just called to tell you that I'm not taking you back if you come back. I'm not a puppet that you control anytime you want. There's much more that haven't been revealed yet. That's it. Goodbye… forever"

Next morning…

"How are you dealing?"

"Pretty great. I left him a message, saying I won't take him back" – I said, disappointed.

"Oh Abby… you did the right thing"

"I hope so. You know, I'm done waiting for it to work"

"I understand. He always needs to be with somebody"

"And that's bad, Susan. He won't get anything acting like this, because I won't care anymore"

"Well, that shows how much you grew up in this time"

"Yeah, I guess. You know, I tried hard, really hard to get over him and seeing him with that pregnant woman was really difficult for me. But I finally went through. And I won't let myself go through it again. You know, my daughter already knows the truth. But he doesn't. And I won't be the one who's gonna tell him"

"You know, I'll be there for you, if you need…"

"Thanks"

"… And Luka still has a crush on you"

"What? Susan, I don't need that. I wouldn't go down so much and so low just to get back Carter. I'm not like this"

"No, I didn't say that. I just thought you could play a little with him. Because that's what he's doing with you"

"You think?"

"Believe me. He did the same with me. He wanted to make you jealous"

"Yeah, I remember that day as if it was yesterday" – a tear fell from my eyes – "If I knew that it'd end so soon, I'd do anything to it never ends"

"_I thought fencing was a finesse sport"_

"_Ouch!"_

"_Don't be a baby"_

"_Crazy bastard. He was trying to kill me"_

"_It looked like it was mutual"_

"_Am I going to need stitches?"_

_Susan laughs_

"_No, you barely need a band-aid. I didn't know you had a temper"_ _Carter stares over at Abby helping Luka_

_"I can ask Abby to come over and check you if you'd prefer"_

_Carter wasn't really listening to her_

"_What? That man is a menace holds his fingers about an inch apart That, and I could have lost my eye"_

_Susan leans over and kisses him_

"_What was that for?"_

"_Just checking"_

"_For what?"_

"_Second date rule"_

"_What?"_

_Carter shakes his head and turns his attention back to Abby, and Susan purses her lips, thinking_

"Oh, yeah… That was a great day"

"Yeah, and also…"

"_She's pretty great"_

"_Who?"_

"_Abby. I didn't really know her before, I didn't think I'd like her, but I do"_

"_You wanna get something to eat, I'm starving"_

"_You know, you really made a fool out of yourself today"_

"_What?"_

"_If you're worried about Abby living with Luka, don't be, I don't think anything's going on"_

"_How did I make a fool out of myself?"_

_"Well, you participated in a duel, for one thing!"_

_Carter nods_

_"Kiss me"_

_He looks at her, a little surprised_

_"Just, kiss me"_

_He does_

"_Was it there for you?"_

"_It was nice"_

"_It wasn't there for me either"_

_Carter nods and looks down_

"_Okay, go, before I change my mind!"_

"_You sure?"_

"_I regret it already. You know, that gold digger alarm should be clanging like a school bell"_

"_This isn't because Mark Greene just suddenly became available, is it?"_

"_You know when I said you were making a fool of yourself? Well you're doing it again"_

_There's a pause_

"_You should tell her"_

" _Who?"_

_Carter drops the act immediately and smiles_

"_Tell her what?"_

"_That you're desperately in love and you can't live a moment without her"_

_Carter gives her a big smile, laughs a little_

"_Really?"_

"_You're hopeless. You'll figure it out"_

"Ok, stop. You're just going to make me sad" – And I cried.

"I'm sorry. I know how difficult it's being to you"

She hugged me

"But you know, you tried really hard to forget him. Don't let yourself fall in love with him again"

"I think I just did" – I washed away the tears in my face – "I need to go home. See you tomorrow"

"See ya. Call me if you need"

At night, it was almost 10:30 PM. Emma had just fallen sleep and I was on my bed when I heard knocks on the door and went to see who it was. I opened the door and saw John


	6. Making Choices

Chapter 6: Making Choices

I opened the door and saw John.

"You're back?"

"I'm back" – he noticed my face – "Aren't you happy in seeing me?"

"…"

"Abby?"

"No, no… I mean, yes. I just… thought you'd stay longer"

"I didn't actually go to Congo two days ago"

"What?"

"I was in my house"

"I'm sorry? I can't believe this"

"…"

"You lied to me!"

"I? You lied to me too"

"What? When? What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about"

"I don't. I want you to go"

"What? No!"

"Go!"

"No!"

"Carter!" – I pulled him outside

"I told you I won't! I love you!" – he said, getting it again

"Stop teasing me! You don't love me!"

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't! You left. You're the one who ended everything!"

"Yes, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!"

"You didn't even consider my feelings! You screwed up! It's too late now"

"Abby, please"

"No!"

"I'm sorry" – he sat down with his head in his hands

"Well, that's not enough!" – I looked down

There was a mix of feelings inside me. I didn't know if I was at him because he lied or upset for being in love with him again

"Please go" – I said, calmly

"What?"

"Please. Just… go"

"Ok"

"No!"

We both looked to the stairs and saw Emma. She was crying

"Mommy, why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" – I picked her up

"Asking him to go"

"It's the best for everyone" – I put her down – "Go to your room, mommy's coming. I need to solve some things"

"I wanna stay"

"Emma, now! Stop being so spoiled!"

She went upstairs and I looked up to see if she really had gone. Then, I turned to face Carter

"I think we need to talk"

"Yeah, I guess"

"C'mon. Let's go the kitchen. Coffee and pie?"

"Sure"

I put the plate and the glass and then I sat in front of him

"So, I think you already know the truth"

"Yeah, but why didn't you tell me?"

"I told you it was something stupid. Because I knew you'd stay if you knew. I didn't want you to feel bad because of her. And because of me too"

"I didn't know that" – He grabbed my hands – "How stupid I was! I never should have left. I thought about how I let you down, how you must have felt when I showed up with Kem. I just want to forget all of this and all the pain we made each other go through. I want to find a way to make it work. But it's too late"

"You know, it's not"

"What?"

I looked away

"I need to think. I'm not sure if this is what I really want"

"Fair enough"

"It's not"

"What?"

"I'm in love with you Carter. I've always been. But I still can't forgive you. It's just too damn hard for me to let it go"

"I know that. But I regretted. I thought you'd give me a chance"

"I want to"

"Then let me do the first thing"

He leaned over and kissed me. He pulled back.

"I promise I can and will make you happy"

"I know. Promise me we won't be apart"

"We won't. I won't let you go. I love you"

He leaned over again and kissed me passionately

"Can we… take it slow? I mean, I want to be sure that this is for real"

"It is. But if this what you wanna do, that's what we will do"

"Thank you"

"Ok… I have to go now"

I went with him to the door and we went outside

"So, see you tomorrow"

"Yeah" – I looked down

"You don't need to worry. We're gonna be fine"

He lifted my face, looked deeply in my eyes and washed away the tears that fell from them.

"I still can't believe. It seems like a dream. And I don't wanna wake up"

"We don't need to"

Before I could answer, I felt my lips touching his. And, before I realized, I found myself kissing him

"Tell Emma I love her"

"Wanna stay here tonight? I mean, Emma would love it"

"Better not. I'll come around in the morning"

"Ok. See you then"

I entered and closed the door. Then I looked through the window and watched him still looking at the door and leaving. Then I took a bottle of vine and started drinking. I don't know why. Maybe because I was feeling bad about this situation. But it was nice. I haven't felt like this a long time ago. Then I took some Vicodins and swallowed them with the wine. And I began to feel dizzy and I slept on the floor.

A few hours later, in the morning…

"Abby, if you're home open the door. Abby? Abby?" – He began to try to open the door

"What happened?"

"Hey Carol. I called, but nobody came. Something must have happened. Go fast, open it!"

"Take it easy! I can't find the key"

"What? Ok, I'll break the door"

They finally get in and found me on the floor

"Oh my God!" – he kneeled next to me

"I'll go take a look on Emma"

_Abby! I thought you had stopped_

He takes me to the ER

"Susan, Luka, I need some help"

"What happened?"

"Abby had an overdose"

"What? An overdose? Why didn't you stop her?"

"I didn't know. I just saw her now. She must have drunk at night"

"Right. Finding excuses again"

"What?"

"C'mon! Don't try to fool me"

"I'm not"

"So, you expect me to believe this?"

"Yes" – He looks at her – "You know what? Don't believe if you don't want. Just… make her feel better"

"I'll try. Not for you, for her"

Carter stops in front of the elevator and sees her going upstairs with Abby. Some hours later, Susan goes downstairs again.

"How's she?"

"She's stable now. She took Vicodins with the wine. We had to put a tube and operate her"

"…"

"Carter, you're just screwing all that she took two years to get over. All that she took two years to forget"

"It wasn't easy for me either"

"Sure it was! You weren't brave enough to break up with her in person and you showed up with a pregnant woman!" – She screamed

"Ok, stop it! You're pissing me off!" – He got up

"Great! That's what I want! I just want the best for her"

"Then let her decide what she wants"

"Fine. Ruin her life again! Date her and then go back to Africa" – She screamed, walking away – "And don't forget to show up with Kem pregnant!"

Carter put his head in his hands. He knew Susan was right.

_Maybe Susan is right. Maybe I should go back to Africa and leave Abby's life forever, but I can't stay away from her. She was always there for me, always by my side. I feel good next to her. I don't wanna leave_

He went to my room to talk to me

"Hey"

"Hey"

"How are you feeling?"

"A little better" – I looked away – "I'm sorry"

"Don't be. I'm the one who should. I… should never have come. I'm going back"

"What?"

"To Africa. It's better for both of us"

Tears fell from my eyes

"Oh…ok. If that's what you want, I won't stop you"

"Abby… I don't wanna go. I don't wanna give up the perfect life I had and threw away again"

"You don't need to. Stay"

"Susan thinks I should go"

"And you listen to her?"

"…"

"Ok. I always knew that she was the one you loved. She's the one you love. It's ok, I understand. Here" – I took the ring off my finger – "This is yours. You should give it to her, before it's too late"

He took the ring, reluctant

"I don't understand why you didn't propose to her yet"

"I was trying to figure out where we were. Africa is really dangerous and I missed here. I missed taking care of patients. I missed you"

"…"

"I… couldn't. I dreamed with my future family and you were the mother. That's when I realized that I was fooling myself out all this time. It's always been you"

He hugged me and tears began to fall from my eyes. Tears of joy or sadness, I don't know. Susan was at the door, crying too. He looked to me.

"Why you came back to this?"

"To what?"

"To drinking"

"Oh… I don't know"

_Carter's leaving the ER and Abby follows him._

"_Hey"_

"_Hey"_

"_I thought you were on until seven"_

"_Deb's covering the shift change. I'll call you later"_

"_Ok. Hey. I'm not really sure why we're not talking about this"_

"_Can't this wait till we both out duty?"_

"_Who's angry with who?"_

"_I'm not angry"_

"_Ok, and I never lied to you"_

"_Well, I guess I must have talked myself into this"_

"_Then let's figure it out"_

"_No, I agreed not to rescue you, or help you, or fix you, so I'm just gonna shut up and wait for the car wreck"_

_They make their way to the El station. Carter has his pass and puts it through. When it comes out, she grabs it and puts it through again._

"_Wait a minute. What is that supposed to mean?"_

"_Abby, we both know where this is going"_

"_No, I don't. And you know, everything would have been fine if you'd just come to me in the first place"_

"_Then I'm the overprotective boyfriend"_

"_I'm not drinking to get drunk. I'm hardly drink at all"_

"_Good night"_

"_Ok, wait. Do you wanna know how much I have been drinking? Last night I had two beers. Yesterday I had a cosmo. Last week I had nothing. The week before that I had a beer and a pink drink. I didn't even know what it was"_

"_You're keeping very close track"_

"_Yeah, because it's under control"_

"_Well, I just don't understand why you want to go back to that"_

"_I was drinking last year, you knew that"_

_They're walking upstairs._

"_It was a little different then"_

"_Yeah, now it's not about being scared and alone"_

"_It's still drinking"_

"_Look. Look. Wait. I used to drink because I was miserable. I was in a lousy marriage. I had a life I didn't want and now I'm happy… with you. Things are good. And being able to have a casual drinking with my friends just makes me feel I'm past the bad part"_

"_Ok"_

"_You know, maybe… maybe I just have a little bit more faith in me than you do"_

"_Oh, that's how you transcend my concern? Not having faith?"_

"_I don't know. Yeah. Carter"_

"_Yeah, let's not do this"_

"_All right. Look. I'm a pro at walking away. I've done it a million times and I'm asking you please don't do this. Stay here and talk to me. Please… please"_

_The train arrives and when it's gone, Abby's standing alone, leaning against a pole and walks away. Later, Abby is walking up the stairs to her apartment building. She's about to open the door when Carter walks around the corner._

"_You should have your keys already out"_

_She turns around._

"_You never know who might be lurking" – He walks in – " Look, the drinking… the drinking is the drinking. You know where I stand on that. It's just… how far are we going if we keeping hiding from each other?"_

"_I won't hide anymore"_

_They walk to each other._

"_I didn't mean to leave like that. It's just seemed kinda complicated and I wanted a little time to figure out where we were"_

"_Here we are"_

"I think that… it felt good. It felt right"

"Did you drink when you were pregnant?"

I looked at him and bit my lips

"I can't believe this!"

"Hey! You're the one who provoked that!"

"I? You know that I wouldn't have gone if you had told me you were pregnant!"

"Yeah, because I didn't want you to stay for me and for that"

"You're talking like it's something stupid"

"But it is"

"No, it's not! It's a life, Abby! A child that came into this world!"

"I know that!"

"You know what? I don't wanna deal with this right now"

And he leaves, slamming the door.


	7. Leaving

Chapter 7: Leaving

"Hey, what happened?"

"I'm definitely going to Africa"

"What? Why?"

"Did you know Abby's drinking?"

"Yes"

Carter got surprised and pissed

"And you didn't do anything to stop?"

"No"

"Good"

"What did you want me to do, Carter?"

"I don't know! Stop her!"

"What she does or doesn't do it's not my business" – Susan started to walk away, but she turned – "But it's yours. She started drinking because of you"

"Really?" – Carter said in a sarcastic and surprised tone

"Yeah. She really loved you, unlike you"

"Hey! I really loved her!"

"But it didn't seem so. You don't wait for someone for two years until you finally kiss and date for another year. And you just don't throw it away like this"

"What you wanted me to do?"

"I don't know! First, you shouldn't have sent that stupid letter. It was very immature of you. And second, you shouldn't have got that woman pregnant!"

"I couldn't be stuck on Abby forever"

"I know. But you seemed to move on really fast"

"Yeah, because I wanted to have a kid so bad"

"And you had no idea she was carrying one"

"No, because she was afraid on passing on the disease"

"But she did that for you. She wanted you as the father of her kids, because…"

"Kids? Has she had more than one? Did she make an abortion? Tell me, Susan. I want to know"

"Dr. Lewis, they need you in trauma two"

"Be right there. If you wanna know more, just ask her"

Susan stopped to talk to me at the admitting.

"What's this?"

"Oh, this?" – I pointed to the envelop – "I wanted to volunteer for the Alliance"

"Oh, like Carter and Luka did two years ago?" – She notice the look on my face – "Sorry"

"No, it's ok. And yes, it's the same that they did"

"But why?"

"Because…" – I sighed – "Because Carter's back and I need to stay away from him as much as I can. And also because I don't want my daughter to suffer"

"You know he's going too, right?"

"What? Susan, you need to convince him to stay"

"No"

"C'mon!"

"I'm not interfering anymore. I fought too much with him for you"

"And I appreciate. Please, only this time, I promise"

"Ok"

"Thank you"

I left to solve some things

"Hey Carter"

"What?"

"I need to talk to you"

"Go ahead"

"You're really going to Africa?"

"Yes"

"Why don't you stay?"

"What?" – He looked at her.

"Yeah, I mean. We desperately need doctors"

"So do they. Where's Abby?"

"Oh, she… she needed to solve some things"

"When she comes back?"

"I don't know. So, why don't you consider staying? I mean, you can bring Kem over here"

"Susan, why don't you want me to go?"

"Because… because we need doctors so bad. And you are one of the most important. You're chief resident"

"Ok, if this means so much, I'll stay"

"Yeah, thanks"

Later that night…

"Hey"

"Hey. So?"

"I talked to him and convinced him to stay"

"Really? That's so great! Thanks, Susan"

"Anytime"

"Oh… I'm gonna miss you so much!"

"I know, I'm gonna miss you too"

"You've been so good to me. I don't even have words to start to say how much I am grateful for you coming into my life"

I felt my eyes fill with tears. And I saw Susan's too.

"I don't know where to start explaining how much you changed my life. You're my best friend, you know? For 4 years you've been my best friend"

"I appreciate. You're my best friend too. Thank you for helping me so much. Thank you for always support me and be there. Thank you for everything. You'll always be in my heart"

Susan cried hearing my thanks

"Come with me. I have something to show you"

"What?"

"It's a surprise. I can't tell"

Susan takes me to Lava Lounge and everybody's there but Carter.

"Oh my God!"

"Surprise!"

"Susan! I didn't deserve this!"

"Don't be silly! Of course you did!"

"I wanna make a toast. To this wonderful and amazing person that is Abby. She'll be very missed. She's too important to me"

"Thank you Luka. You're really important to me too"

"Abby, I don't even have words to tell you how much I am going to miss you. I can't find words to describe how much you mean to me and how much County will change without you"

"As much as I want to believe this, I know you guys will be fine, or even great, without me"

"I'm not sure about that"

"I am so thankful to everyone here. Luka, Neela, Sam, Ray, Pratt, Kerry, Chuny, Haleh, Lily… you. I'm thankful to those already left. Carol, Lucy, Mark, Deb, Cleo, Peter, Gallant, Lizzie. You all made me what I am today. Thank you so much. Really. I love you guys"

"You promise to keep in touch?"

"Yeah. Now I need to go. Goodbye"

An hour later, Carter arrives and is surprised to see everybody there

"What are you doing here?"

"We… ah, we decided to go out to drink. Wanna join?"

Carter shakes his head and looks around

"Where's my… Abby?"

"Oh, she already left. She said she needed to do some things"

"She went home?"

"I don't know. Maybe"

"I'm going over there"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because, if she's busy, you better not to go. You can distract her"

"I need to talk to her"

"You can talk to me. I'll tell her"

"Susan, what's going on? You asked me to stay, you don't want me to go over at Abby's"

She bit her lips

"There's something you don't me to know"

"What? No!"

"Right. You can tell me"

"Carter, I'm not hiding anything"

"Susan"

"Why would I hide something from you?"

"I don't know. But I don't have time for this now. I need to find Abby"

Susan doesn't have time to answer because he rushes to Abby's place

"Oh, great!"

Carter arrives at Abby's and starts to knock on her door nervously

"Abby! Are you there? Abby!"

Nobody answers. He notices that the door is unlocked and opens it

_That's strange_

He walks in and sees the house is empty. He quickly realizes she moved out

_Why didn't she tell me? She moved and I don't even know where_

He sits on the floor and puts his head in his hands, frustrated and mad.


	8. You're My True Love

Chapter 8: You're My True Love

Carter couldn't believe. I had left. He felt so guilty for that. He needed to find me and tell me he's been always in love with me. He got up and went to his house. He quickly packed and was heading to the airport, when…

"John, where are you?"

"Dad, I didn't know you were coming. When did you get here?"

"Couple hours. Where are you going?"

"Africa"

"Again? Didn't you just get back?"

"Yeah, the woman I love went there. And I need to tell her I love her"

"Whoa, easy. I thought Kem was already in Africa"

"I broke up with her. I realized that I'm in love with another woman. I've always been"

"Abby?"

He just nodded.

"I was pretty stupid for leaving her. She begged me not to go and I went anyway. I won't forgive myself for that. But now I won't let her go again. I really won't"

"I'm happy for you, son"

"You know you have a grandchild?"

"No"

"Yeah, I got Abby pregnant before I leave but I just found out now"

"Go son. Go tell her you love her"

"Thanks dad"

Carter rushed to the airport. He grabbed his cell phone and called me, but he got the answering machine

_"Abby, it's me. I just called you to tell you that… I'm going to Africa. I need you. Wait for me. Call me when you hear the message"_

The waiting was annoying him. He walked over to the attending woman

"How much longer will it take?"

"I don't know. We're doing the best we can. Sorry"

He shook his hand and slapped his hand in the table.

"All right"

Then he turned and looked around. 3 hours later, he was already in the plane. A few hours later he arrived in Africa, where he was greeted by Angelique and Gillian

"Hey! John! It's been a long time!" – Gillian hugged him

"Yeah"

"What brings you here again?"

"Ah… I'm looking for a person"

"Kem?"

"No. It's the woman I always loved"

"Oh, in that case…"

"Have you seen Abby, Gillian?"

"Yes. She was here, but she had to leave"

"Where did she go?"

"Kishasha"

Carter froze.

"What?"

"But she should be coming by now"

"Was she with a child?"

"She was with a one year girl"

Carter threw his head back, in frustration.

"What happened?"

"I came all way here to tell her that I love her and now she might even come back"

"I'm sure she will"

"That child… that you saw. She is… my daughter"

"You're a father? I can't believe! I didn't know"

"Yeah, me too until a few days ago. I got her pregnant before I came"

"Hey John"

He turns and sees Kem. She runs to him.

"It's been a while"

They hug and he closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he sees me with our daughter in my arms, looking at him with tears in my eyes. He quickly pushes Kem away from him and I start walking towards the clinic. He starts to follow me, but…

"John, help us with this patient"

"But…"

"Give her some time, John"

He bit his lip and Gillian continued.

"She had the wrong impression, I know. But she got hurt when she saw you hugging your ex" – She noticed the expression on his face – "If you want to, I can talk to her"

"No, it's ok. I'll talk to her later. Thanks anyway"

"You're welcome"

30 minutes later…

"You can go. We got this"

"Thank you"

And with that he rushed to the clinic but saw nobody. Then he headed to my room

"Abby, it's me. Open the door. Abby"

"Go away"

I said between tears. But he was desperate

"I need to talk to you"

"No! You already hurt me enough!"

"Abby, I won't leave without talking to you"

"Great, you can stay there!"

My mood changed from sad to angry.

"Abby. C'mon! I… need you"

"So now you need me!"

"Yes"

"You didn't need me two years ago! You used me and then throw me away like I was a napkin!"

"Abby, we both know it wasn't like this. Please, open the door"

He leaned his head against the door. I approach reluctantly, and opened it, hesitant. He walks in and kisses me.


	9. Can You Feel Me?

Chapter 9: Can You Feel Me?

He wraps his arms around me and lays me in the bed, and then he leans over me. But I quickly push him away

"No Carter! You don't love me! And I think you never did!"

"Abby, please. Let me explain. I was a completely idiot, I know. I shouldn't have left. All I could think about these two years was you. I couldn't forget you. I wanted to be next to you"

"John…" – I seemed to forget everything – "…Don't do this. It's too hard. Go. Please go"

"Abby, I want you" – He pulls me next to him.

"I can't think about this right now. You made a decision. We made a decision. It's complicated"

He gently laid me in the bed and then leaned over me and kissed me passionately again. I put his hand on my chest, encouraging him to open my shirt. I pull him away a little and drop him in the bed, leaning over him right after that. I slowly open his shirt. We separate to be able to breath a little.

"How much I missed this"

"I missed you, John"

"I missed you too, Abby. But we won't miss each other anymore. We'll be together forever"

And with that, each one finds the way to the other's lips.

"I wanna marry you"

That scared me.

"I've seen this before"

There was an angry tone in my voice.

"Yeah, but this time is for real"

"I don't know"

"Abby, believe me. You're everything for me. I won't take no as an answer. I won't give you up"

"John… how am I gonna be able to trust you? You said exactly the same things two years ago and look what happened. You broke up with me by a letter, showed up at County with a pregnant woman and then made me go back to drinking"

"That won't happen anymore. I promise you"

He wrapped his arms around me and brought me next to him.

"You really promise?"

"Have I broken any promise?"

We smile and he lifts his head and lightly touches my lips with his own, forcing me to bend my head down.

"You know, I try and try but I can't stay away from you. There's something about you that catches me"

I smiled to him and then laid by his side. He looked at me and I blushed a little. He laughed and then leaned over and kissed me.

"I wanna a kid"

"John, I… I'm not ready yet"

"And I wanna raise him or her from the beginning"

The smile on my face fade away

"I said I'm not ready yet, ok?"

"Ok. Ok. We'll only have one when you're ready"

He bent his head down and kissed me. And kissed me some more again. And again and again. Then he kissed my neck and then my belly. Then he went back to my mouth and kissed me on the lips one more time. When things got hotter, there were knocks on the door. But we didn't care about knowing who it was. Then the knocks got so loud that we couldn't ignore.

"Who is it?"

"John, open the door. John, I need to see you"

He looked to me, who was mad and hurt. Then he rubbed his face.

"Does it have to be now?"

"Yes"

"What you want?"

"I'll tell you when I come in"

I got up and started to get dressed. He looked at me.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed"

"Why?" – He held my arm

"John, are you busy?"

"It's ok, I'll come back later. They must probably be needing me"

"Hon…"

"Don't worry. It's ok"

I opened the door and saw Kem. I walked out without saying a word. Kem walked in and closed the door. Although I tried to fool herself, I knew Kem was wanting an other chance with him


	10. Unfaithful

Chapter 10: Unfaithful

"Angelique, you need me?"

"Yes. Pressure 10 per 7, pulse 80 percent"

"CT and CBC"

Gillian looked at her.

"Something wrong?"

"No"

"Are you jealous?"

"What?"

"Kem. If you're worried about her and John, don't be. I don't think anything's going on"

"I don't know. I mean, he got her pregnant and she's the love of his life"

"No, you're the love of his life. And she might have been pregnant with his child. But she lost it. And you didn't. Believe me. You're the right woman for him"

"Really?"

"If you don't want to compete, you better fight for him"

"Ok, thanks"

"You can go. We take this"

"Thank you"

I head to my room and see that the door is open.

_Maybe he's in his room_

Then, I go to his room and decide to knock on the door, but Kem's voice makes me give up. So, I go back to mine and start packing.

"County, Sam speaking"

"Sam, it's me, Abby"

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Good. Listen… can you call Susan?"

"Sure" – She puts the phone down – "Dr. Lewis, Abby wants to talk to you"

"Thanks. Hello?"

"Susan?"

"Oh, hey Abby. What's going on?"

"Carter. Kem"

The words were quickly coming out from my mouth and I had to stop to think about what to say.

"Yeah?"

"I mean, she's trying to have a second chance with him"

"You can't let this happen Abby! He went all over there because he's completely in love with you. And you can't give up of him this easily and without fighting for him"

"I can't. I can't take this anymore, Susan. They love each other. It's time to face it"

"Abby…"

"That's why I'm flying back to Chicago today"

"Talk to him"

"No"

"Ok. Do what you want. It's your life anyway"

"Thanks"

"You're aware that you can lose him?"

"Yes"

"Yeah, he called me yesterday. All the talked about was you. I wouldn't be encouraging you to fight for him if I wasn't totally sure that he really loves you and that it wasn't for real. I'm telling you, go after him and say everything. You won't regret"

"I'll think about it. But thanks"

"No problem. Take care"

I hung up the phone and went to his room.

Inside Carter's room…

"No Kem. Stop it. I said I don't want to do this"

"I'm finally over our Joshua's death. I'm ready to one more kid. I love you John" – She said as she kissed him.

He quickly pulled her away. He didn't feel a thing for her anymore.

"But I'm in love with Abby. I love her. I always did and always will"

"Ok. I understand"

She got off him and started collecting her clothes and getting dressed. I was about to open the door, but hesitated in opening it because I heard the noises coming from the inside. He opened the door for Kem to leave and saw me walking away.


	11. I Won't Give Up

Chapter 11: I Won't Give Up

He started to chase me and I started to walk faster. He was almost reaching me when…

"People shot by guns. We need you"

He looked at Gillian and then to the shadow of me not sure if he would go after me or stay to help.

"You fought again?"

"I don't blame her. She saw Kem almost naked in my room"

"She god upset"

"Yeah" – He put the stethoscope on the patient's chest – "I didn't do anything with her, I swear. I could, but I resisted. I care a lot about her and kissing Kem would be something so unfaithful. I have to be faithful if I really want Abby. And I do"

"Go"

"What?"

"Go before she runs away"

He hesitated.

"Is she leaving?"

"If you don't go after her, yes. We take care of everything. Go after your true love. Go before it's too late"

"Ok. Thanks"

And with that he ran over my room, but I wasn't there anymore. But he wouldn't let me go this easily. He was willing to have me in his arms, no matter what. He'd do whatever it takes to have my love. So, he decided to act.

"County"

"I need to talk to Susan"

"Speaking"

"Susan, I'm desperate"

"Carter, what happened?"

"I can't find Abby"

"Why? What happened? You're scaring me, Carter"

"She saw Kem almost naked on my bed"

"You had sex with Kem?"

"No"  
_  
_Susan let out a sob of relief.

"I need to talk to her"

"I know"

"If you talk to her, tell her that I'm looking for her and I won't stop until I find her"

Tears fell from his eyes.

"You got it"

There was a long silence.

"Carter?"

"What?"

"She's coming back here"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I talked to her earlier and she said it"

"Thank you so much for telling me, Susan. I'll be catching the next flight to Chicago.Susan?"

"Yeah?"

"I love her so much"

"I know. Fight for her, Carter. Run after her, don't give up so easily. You can't. She'll end up taking you back"

"I know. I need to go. See you later"

"See ya. Bye"

Carter hung up the phone and placed it against his chest. He missed me so much. He knew he had enough stupid things. But he was willing to stop messing up all the time and pushing me away from him even more. He looked through the window and remembered that time.

_Eric's plane was missing._

_"Did you get anything?"_

_"No, the FAA said nothing"_

_"Did you page Carter?"_

_"No" _

"Well, you should"

_"I don't wanna ruin his vacation"_

_"I can stay with you"_

_"No, go on your blind date. I'll be fine, I promise"_

_"Call me if you need"_

_"I will. Thanks"_

_I went home to see if Eric had left any message. But there wasn't any. I took shower and then tried to sleep but I couldn't. So, I got up and went to the kitchen, where I grabbed a glass and took a bottle from a bag. I filled the glass and drank it. Then I went back to my room and laid on the bed. And soon I fell asleep. John arrived at my apartment and called for me, but there was no answer. Then he headed to my room and saw me lying on the bed. He took a bruise away from my face and then caressed my face. He wrapped his arms around me and then fell asleep._

_Hours later, he was making coffee and got scared when he turned and saw me._

_"You scared me. You ok?"_

_"When'd you get here?"_

_"Couple hours ago. You were still sleeping. Any news? How 'bout some breakfast? Can you eat?"_

_"Did the phone ring?"_

_"I thought I heard the phone ring"_

_"No" _

"You can just leave that stuff, I'll clean up later"

_"You want some aspirin?"_

_"Call me if they call here"_

_"Where you going?"_

_"I took a shift"_

_"You're going in?"_

_"I gotta keep busy"_

_"Well let's go do something"_

_"You must be exhausted"_

_"Don't go to work"_

_"I can't drop it now"_

_"I'll call for you"_

_"I'm going to work"_

_"Hey! Hey hey hey…"_

_" They're gonna find him"_

_"Thank you for coming back"_

He hated himself because of that day. He should have proposed to me for real. Things would be totally different. We'd live as a happy family and he wouldn't have gone to Africa and met Kem.

I decided to go straight to Minnesota, I was sure Carter was going after me and Susan probably told him I'd come to County. I arrive in my hometown and a few minutes later, in my house. I knock on the door and I'm greeted by Eric.


	12. I Won't Live Without You

Chapter 12: I Won't Live Without You

"Abby! What a surprise!" – Eric hugged me.

Maggie heard the noise he made and couldn't believe seeing her daughter. She ran and hugged me.

"Hi mom"

"What are you doing here?"

"I quit County. I couldn't stay there anymore. So I came back"

Maggie looked at her with a doubtful look.

"You can't fool me"

"What? I really quit"

They face each other.

"Ok, you won. I'm running away"

"Of what?"

"Carter"

"Why? What did he do to you?"

"He wants to try again"

"So do you. Give him one more chance"

"Yeah, but it's complicated, mom. I just catch him with his ex on his bed, in Congo"

"You went to Congo? Don't you know how dangerous is there?"

"I was running away"

Emma hid behind me.

"Honey, that's your grandma. And that's your uncle. Eric, mom, this is my daughter, Emma"

"My grandchild!"

"Let me guess. She's John's daughter, right?"

I nodded.

"I could know. She looks like him very much"

"So, I still have my bedroom?" – She smiled.

Carter had just got back to Chicago and went straight to County, hoping he could find me. He walked in running.

"Hey, Frank. Have you seen Abby?"

"It's nice to see you too, Dr. Carter"

"Sorry. It's good to see you. Have you seen Abby?"

"She didn't show up here today"

"That's impossible! And have you seen Dr. Lewis?"

"Trauma two"

Carter rushes to the room where Susan is.

"Susan, where's Abby?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her"

"Something happened"

"Catheter. I thought she had already arrived"

"But she didn't. I'm worried. I left before her and arrived first"

"Relax, she probably went to her house before coming here"

"Maybe you're right. I'm going over there"

"Start compressions. Call me when you get there. Charge 100. Ok. Clear"

"You got it"

Carter rushes to my place, but saw nobody.

"County"

"Frank, call Dr. Lewis"

"Dr. Lewis, Dr. Carter wants to talk to you"

"Oh, hey Carter"

"Susan, she's not here"

"She isn't?"

"See, I told you something happened"

Susan noticed that there was an angry and disappointed tone in Carter's voice.

"Ok, calm down. Come back here and we'll think about what to do"

"I need her, Susan"

"I know, Carter. But give her some time. You screwed it all up before and is making her be afraid that it happens again"

"But it won't. I won't let her run away, Susan. I'll chase her wherever she goes and I won't stop until I find her"

"Wow, you're really willing to have her!"

"I am"

"Ok, come here. I'll try to reach her and then we talk"

"Ok"

Susan calls me.

"Hello?"

"Abby, it's me. Hi, I thought you were coming back to Chicago"

"Well, I was. But I decided to come back to my house"

"You should have told me"

"I'm sorry, but I decided on the plane"

"Carter's looking for you every where"

"I knew it. That was the mainly reason I came home"

"Give him a chance. He's in love with you"

"Is he? If he really were, he wouldn't have had sex with Kem"

"But he didn't!"

"Oh really? He said that?"

"Yes, and I believe he was totally honest"

I laughed.

"I can't believe this!"

"I'll tell him where you are and he's going there to talk to you"

"No Susan. Carter…"

I interrupt.

"Wait a second, Abby" – She puts the pone down – "What happened, Neela?"

"Morris put a tube on your patient"

"What? Get Carter" – She puts the phone back in her ear – "Done"

"I might be pregnant again"

"What? That's great! You should tell Carter"

"No. Please don't tell him"

"Ok, I won't. I need to go now"

"I won't hold you anymore"

They hang up and Susan goes to see her patient.

"Morris screwed it up again?"

Carter lifted his head and nodded.

"Did you find Abby?"

"Yes, but she begged me not to tell"

"C'mon! You know I'm desperate. Just tell me where she is and I'll go after her"

"Ok, ok. I'm gonna regret this but she's in Minnesota. She went back to her mother's house"

"Great. I'll go there. You take this?"

"Yes. Now go and bring her back, with a ring in her finger"

They smile at each other and he leaves. He's ready to go when Weaver stops him.

"Where are you going?"

"Minnesota"

"Excuse me?"

"Susan is covering me. I'll be back when I can"

"No, you're not going anywhere. You missed many work days already and you need to cover your absence"

"How long?"

"Five days"

"You've got to be kidding"

"I'm not"

"C'mon! I'll cover when I come back, I have to bring Abby back"

"I'm sure she knows her way back"

"She won't come back"

"It's not my business. Nor yours"

"Yes, it is mine. I'm in love with her"

He stopped walking and turned to face me.

"I really need to go" – He turned and started walking.

"So can I fire you?"

He stopped, but didn't turn.

"You know what? Do what you want. Fire me if you want to. You're not making me stay"

He continued walking and soon disappeared. He didn't know what he was doing for a moment. But then he realized how much I had changed him. He was giving up of everything for me. But nothing else mattered if he had me by his side forever. He got home and packed, but the flight would be only tomorrow.

I got home after a full day looking for a job. I was more tired than the usual.

"How did it go, honey?"

"Exhausted. I'm glad it's over" – I buried myself on the couch.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I could eat for two"

Her mother made a face.

"Abby, are you pregnant?"

"I don't know. I'm tired and starving. So, maybe I am" – I got up – "I'll stop by the pharmacy and buy a test. I'll be right back"

I couldn't believe I was pregnant again. Not that I really was but all the signs said so. I bought the test and soon came home. And I quickly headed to the bathroom and did it. Although I wanted it was pink, a part of me wished it were blue. And that part won.

"That's great! I'm pregnant"

I came out of the bathroom and Maggie was curious to know what it was.

"Congratulations. You're becoming a grandma again"

"Oh Abby. I am so happy for you"

Maggie ran and hugged her daughter.

"Well, you know that these tests can't be true sometimes"

Next night… somebody knocked on the door and Maggie went to answer it.

"John… what a surprise"

"Hi Maggie. Is Abby here?"

"Yes, she's in her room. Abby, someone's looking for you"

I come out of the room and see him. He walks over to me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to take you back"

"What?"

"I'm not leaving without you and I don't even think about living without you"


	13. A Special Proposal

Chapter 13: A Special Proposal

I can't control my smile.

"I love you. I love you"

He looks deep in my eyes.

"I never loved Kem. All I thought about these 2 years was you. All I wanted was you. I needed you. It's always been you. Always. I love you"

I give a big smile.

"Well, I guess I'll grab my things"

He smiles.

"Are you coming back?"

"Yes"

We hug.

"I love you. I always did. I never forgot you. I knew we'd be together. Forever. I love you"

We get closer and kiss.

"I knew that too. We'll live as a family, which is something that had to have happened a long time ago"

"Hold on a second"

I went to her room and came back with my daughter in my arms.

"Now we're a family"

"My daughter. Can I hold her?"

"Sure"

He held Emma and I saw the happy and proud look on his face.

"You're gonna be a great father"

He looked at me, but didn't look back.

"Abby… are you?"

"No, I meant Emma"

He let out a sigh of frustration. I looked at him.

"What? You wanted?"

"It'd be great"

"We can try"

"Really?"

"Yeah, but we'll think about this later. Now I wanna go back"

John put her stuff in his car while I talked to my mother.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"Because I'm not sure yet. And because I don't want him to propose to me just because it happened"

"He'll end up proposing, eventually"

"I know"

"And you're gonna say yes?"

"I don't know. Maybe"

John walks in and soon wraps his arms around me.

"Ready to go?"

"Yes. Thanks for everything, mom"

"No problem"

I catch Emma and he smiles seeing the two of us. Maggie takes them outside and keeps watching me put my daughter in the back seat and then sit in the front one. I waved before disappearing.

"I was worried about you"

"I know. Susan told me"

"I panicked. We only see how precious things are to us when we lose them. And I almost lost you. But now that I have you again, I won't let you run away"

"I know you won't"

He looked at our daughter that was sleeping peacefully on the back seat.

"I still can't believe this happened"

"What?"

"You gave birth. I thought you were afraid of passing on the disease"

"Well, I was. But I had to get through it one day"

"That is great. Because I want bunch of kids"

"Really? How many?"

"Maybe three or four or even more"

I looked at him and smiled.

"Well, we already have one"

I turned and looked at our sleepy daughter. Suddenly, he remembered something.

"Susan told me you have an abortion"

I froze.

"Why?"

"Because… because I was afraid of passing on the disease"

"When was that?"

"When… you went to Belize. You know, when I sang Afternoon Delight"

He smiled but quickly became serious and bit his lips.

"What?"

He didn't say anything, just shook his head.

"Please don't be upset"

"I'm not"

"It was right not to have had a baby that time. Look what happened. You went to Africa" – I sighed – "And I didn't want to ruin your plans"

"That wasn't a reason to had taken an innocent life away"

"I knew you would be mad. Would you stay if I had told you?"

"Yes. I didn't even wanted to go in the first place"

"So, why you did?"

"Because I wanted to figure out where we were"

"Ok" – I looked away.

And we didn't talk to each other again during the trip. We arrive home and I put Emma to sleep. I walk to the bedroom and find him on the bed. I grab her gown and go to the bathroom to change.

"Look, I'm sorry"

"For what?"

"I was a little rude before and I didn't want to. I shouldn't have said I did an abortion"

"It's ok. I'm the one who should apologize. I should have been more understanding. I'm sorry"

I came out of the bathroom and stared at him. He ran his hand over the bed, asking me to join him. I smiled.

"If I wasn't completely in love with you, I wouldn't accept this"

I said as I approached the bed and then lay down.

"I'm sorry. We just got back together and we are already fighting"

He leans over me and kisses me. And we had a very romantic night, which we hadn't had for a very long time.

15 days later, John was at the admitting and took the microphone.

"Listen all doctors and nurses. I have something important to say"

"What's all the noise about?"

"I have something to say"

Quickly, all doctors and nurses reunited in the admitting. John jumped off the chair and brought me to the middle of the room. Then he kneeled down and held my hands.

"Abby…" – He reaches his pocket and grabbed a box – "Will you marry me?"

He took the ring out of the box and put it on my finger. I was so excited that I forgot there were people watching us. I looked around and everybody was shocked and happy. Then I looked back at him without knowing what to say.


	14. Surprise

Chapter 14: Surprise

"So…?"

I looked at him without knowing what to say.

"Go Abby. Say yes" – Susan said.

I smiled when I heard what her friend said. John got up and lightly pressed his lips against mine.

"It's ok. Take your time. I'll wait"

He lifted me face and I smiled.

"I don't need to think. I wanna marry you"

Everybody claps their hands and we kiss passionately.

"I knew we'd be together in the end"

Susan wiped away the tears that fell from her eyes. Everybody went back to work and Susan was alone with me.

"You told him?"

"No. Not yet. I'd rather wait a little more"

"Did you do another test?"

Neela and Sam joined the conversation.

"Not yet. I'm doing one now"

"You're pregnant?"

"I think so. I just want to make sure"

"Congratulations"

"Thanks"

I went to do the test and it came pink, as I expected. I headed to the lounge and John was getting ready to leave.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah"

I open my locker and he looks at me.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah. I'm just a little tired, but I'm ok"

"Today was a busy day. You need to rest"

"No, I wanna go out and celebrate"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. And there's something I need to tell you"

"What?"

"I'll tell you later, now let's go"

We arrive at the restaurant and I notice we're alone.

"You bought the whole restaurant for this?"

"Yes"

"You didn't have to"

"I wanted some privacy"

"We could have gone to my place" – I looked at him – "Sorry"

"So, what you wanted to tell me?"

"I… you know what? I'd like to wait a little longer"

He searched for my hands.

"I pictured this day so much and now it's finally here. It took two years for me to realize that I've always been in love with you"

"John…" – I took his hands.

I tried to look for words but found no one.

"I'm sorry. You always say something beautiful and I can't find anything to say"

"Honey, it's ok. You don't need to say anything, because I know that inside you're feeling the same I am. I know you are"

He put his hand on my chest, on my heart. I placed mine over his. And we kept staring at each other for a very long time, until I picked up the menu.

"What we having?"

"Whatever you want"

"Ok, then… I guess I'll have pasta"

We ate and then went home. I was going to see our daughter when he pulled me closer to him and kissed me.

"What you have to tell me?"

"Go to our room. I'll be there in a minute"

I walked in the room and Emma was sleeping. I slowly got closer and kissed her in the head. Then I walked out and slowly closed the door before going to my room.

"You're telling me now?"

"Yes" – She sat.

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant"

"So, Kem, John got back with Abby?"

"Yeah. But not forever"

"Why?"

"I'm pregnant with his child"


	15. Anger

Chapter 15: Anger

"You what?"

"I'm pregnant. And he's the father"

"But... you guys didn't... or did you?"

"Yes"

In Chicago...

"Honey, this is great"

"It is, isn't it?"

He got up and offered his hand to me and took it and got up. He put his hand on my belly.

"How long are you?"

"15 days, I guess. I didn't count"

"I won't screw it this time"

He gets closer to me and kisses me.

"I'm so happy for us"

"We should start planning the wedding"

"A baby is what was missing for us to be a family"

"John... we've always been a family. And you forgot Emma? She's your daughter too"

I was pissed. Sure he had done it on purpose. I knew he didn't want to take her as his daughter. But I knew he would accept it, soon or later.

"Yes, I know. But what I mean was that this time I'll be able to raise him or her from the beginning" – He shakes my hand and brings me closer to him – "Let's go"

"Where?"

"Home. We can sleep together, then take shower and then sleep together"

"Is this your plan for a first date?"

"We're not on a first date anymore. We're continuing what we have stopped two years ago"

He lets his lips touch my mouth and soon we find ourselves kissing each other.

"John... let's do it"

We arrive at John's place and soon we go upstairs. He closes the door and looks at me.

"It's just you and me now"

He walked towards me and dropped me on the bed. Then he climbed over me and kissed me passionately. And one more time after. And again. And again. 45 minutes later, we're laying on the bed, each one's arms wrapping the other. He's caressing my hair.

"Are you sleeping?"

"No"

"Great"

I sat and looked at him.

"I'll go get something to eat"

"And I'm gonna take a shower"

He sat and faced me. Then laid me down and kissed me passionately. Half of an hour later.

"Ok, now I really have to eat. Our baby is starving"

"Ok"

He puts his hand on my belly before I get up.

"I can already feel our baby inside you"

"John... you're gonna be a amazing dad"

We smile to each other and I put my gown on and go to the kitchen. But I walk into the living room and notice that the answering machine got a message. I decide to check them. But one of them has an unexpected message.


	16. I Hate You

Chapter 16: I Hate You

John noticed that I was taking too long and decided to go downstairs.

"Abby?"

Nobody answers. Then he started looking for me through the house. He sees the light in the kitchen on and heads there and stops next to the door. And I'm sitting on the chair.

"Abby. Why did you take so long?"

"I… I needed to think"

"About what?"

I got up.

"I should go home"

"Why?"

"Carol is probably looking for me to leave and…"

"In the middle of the night?"

"Yeah. I'll just hair a taxi"

"No. Stay" – He gently run his hand on my arm.

"I need to go"

"Then let me take you home"

"No. I… can go by myself"

He held my arm.

"It's not good for you to leave in the night. And it's not good for the baby" – He gently caressed my belly.

"We're gonna be fine. Don't worry"

I left the kitchen and was beginning to go upstairs when he followed me and reached me quickly.

"Abby, what's going on?"

I turned, and I was with an angry face, which soon became a sad one.

"Nothing"

He looked deep in my eyes and I knew I couldn't fool him anymore.

"Abby"

"You tell me"

"What?"

I went downstairs and went to the living room.

"I hate you Carter"

"Why?"

I pressed the play button and left the message play. John couldn't believe.


	17. Pain

Chapter 17: Pain

John couldn't believe. When he thought everything was fine.

"Kem is pregnant?"

"Yes. When were you going to tell me?"

"I didn't even know"

"You didn't? I know what's happening here" – I looked at him with tears in my eyes – "You got her pregnant to break up with me"

"No, I didn't even have sex with her"

"Oh please! You want me to believe this? And explain to me how she got pregnant?"

He stayed quiet and I sighed. John controlled himself to not smile to not hurt me anymore, but I noticed.

"Oh, so you're happy?"

He didn't say anything.

"Oh, ok. Yeah, I should go"

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug.

"No. Please, stay. Stay"

"I really have to go"

"Please Abby. Stay here tonight. I need you"

He run his hand on my arm and I closed my eyes for a moment.

"I can never say no to you" – I smiled – "Ok, I'll stay"

He smiled and pressed his lips against mine tightly. I put my arms around his neck and we continued kissing, this time more passionately. He picks me up and takes me to his room. He gently lies me down on the bed and gets on top of me. Then he looks straight on my eyes before kissing me again. Half of an hour later, I was lying next to him and his arms were involving me. In the morning, he woke up and smiled by seeing me. Then he kisses my hair and caresses my belly.

"I love you Abby. I always did. I can't stay away from you"

He caresses my arm.

"I love you too John"

He jumped.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Not much"

I turn to him. We face each other for a moment and then smile to each other. Then we got closer to each other and kiss intensely. And we pull away after several minutes.

"I couldn't be more in love with you"

I laughed.

"Please"

"I mean it"

I stared at the eyes that were a few centimeters above mine and smiled.

"Really?"

"Totally"

"Good"

"Because I… I am blindly in love with you"

"You are?" – I looked at him with a serious face.

He took a while to answer.

"Are you? I really need to know. You said the same thing 2 years ago and you ran away"

"Yes… I am. I am" – He smiled at me – "I am"

"I knew… since the moment you went to Africa, that that wasn't the end. I knew we'd be together in the end" – I smiled but quickly turned serious – "And what are you going to do about Kem?"

His smile faded away. He hadn't thought about it.

"Did I tell you that I'm blindly, totally and completely in love with you?" – He gave me an awkward smile and looked at me – "I'm going there. I need to be sure that I'm the father. But it's impossible, since I haven't slept with her"

"You're going to Africa?"

There was a tone of disappointment on my voice. And on my face too.

"I am, but I'll be back soon. Like I said, I can't stay away from you. Don't worry. I don't feel anything for her anymore. I never felt anything for her. I was just trying to replace the empty space that your absence made to me"

I smiled.

"You're special, you know? You're special to me. You changed my life in ways you don't even know"

"John…" – I started, but I was so amazed with what he had just said that I couldn't continue.

"And if you ever doubt about it and doubt about my love, I'll be the most romantic man on this world to have your love back. And I'm not kidding"

I had her eyes watered and I put his arms around his neck. And slowly one gets closer to the other and we end up kissing each other intensely.

15 days later…

"Hey Neela. Have you seen Abby?"

"Yes, I think she's in the lounge"

"Ok. Thanks"

John heads to the lounge and finds me crying.

"What happened?" – He asked with a tone of worry and a look of worry too.

"Nothing. It's just…" – I wiped away my tears – "Probably it's the hormones of the pregnancy"

He didn't believe me.

"Are you sad with me leaving?"

I looked deeply in his eyes.

"I am. And I'm scared of you leaving me again"

"Oh Abby…" – He offered his hand to me and I took it – "I won't leave you. I promise. In fact, you could go with me"

I laughed dryly.

"And meet Kem again? No thanks"

"Ok. I'll be back in one or two days. I swear"

"I know. Think about me"

"And can I not think?" – He smiled – "You're everything that's on my mind. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year"

He puts out his arms and I hug him. He slowly gets closer to me and kisses me for several long minutes. I take him outside the hospital, where we kiss each other for long minutes and intensely many times again.

"I love you"

"I love you too. Come back soon"

"I will. Take care. And take care of our kid"

"You too"

John kissed her fiancé's belly and said.

"Don't push too hard. Be nice to mommy"

And then he kissed passionately her fiancé's mouth. He got in the cab and I turned to go back inside.

"So, he already left?"

"Just did"

"And the baby?"

"It's fine, but I am definitely going to abort it"

Susan looked at me in shock.


	18. Hate

Chapter 18: Hate

Susan was shocked about what she had just heard.

"Why?"

I put the chart against my body.

"Because I don't want to have it"

"Why? What did the baby do to you?"

"Nothing"

"So…?"

"I don't wanna go through what I went through when I had Emma again"

"What are you talking about?"

"Carter is leaving to Africa"

"What?"

"He got Kem pregnant"

"What?"

"That's it"

"Carter got Kem pregnant?"

"Yep. She left a message on his answering machine saying she was"

"I'm so sorry"

"No. It's ok. I always knew he loved her"

"He doesn't love her. He loves you. It was you who he proposed to"

"I know. But I'm still miscarrying it"

"Abby, don't do this"

"Too late"

I erased a name from the board and then left. A month later, Carter returned from Africa with Kem.

"Hey Jerry. Have you seen Abby?"

"Suture room"

"Thanks"

Carter and Kem headed to the suture room.

"Hey"

I jump and get upset when I see Kem.

"My two pregnant ladies"

Both of us get mad with what he said. And I noticed something on Kem's finger that made me sad.

"Jo… Carter, can I talk to you, privately?"

I stood up to leave the room and he followed me.

"Sure" – He turned to Kem – "Wait for me outside"

I turned to face him.

"What was that?"

"That what?"

"On Kem's finger. A ring?"

He looked to the floor.

"John Carter, was that a ring?"


	19. Regret

Chapter 19: Regret

"So…?"

He kept staring at the floor and I began to lose my temper.

"John!"

He lifted his head.

"She wants to marry me and… I couldn't say no"

"So you proposed to her?"

He looked at me, but didn't say a word.

"Ok. I got it" – I took the ring out and threw it in the floor – "I was completely stupid to have said yes to you and thought you loved me!"

I turned to leave but he grabbed my arm.

"I love you. You think I would have gone to Congo and Minnesota to find you if I didn't?"

"I don't know" – I closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them – "I love you, John. But I can't keep going with this. I don't want to fight with her for you. You'll have to decide"

"Abby"

"Great! Choose her. You don't even know if she's actually pregnant"

"I was gonna say I want you"

"You don't want me. You're only doing this because of your kid I'm carrying again!"

I left the room furiously and Susan and Luka went to see the reason of so much noise. John was kneeled on the floor catching the ring.

"What happened?"

"Abby broke up with me"

"What?"

"Why?"

"Because I got Kem pregnant"

Susan couldn't believe. It was still hard to believe when she heard that.

"How? When?"

"I don't know"

"But you didn't even have sex with her"

"I know. I was honest to her, Susan. I swear"

"I know Carter"

"She has to trust me"

"Then convince her to"

"Kem did the test? Are you actually the father?"

"No. She didn't want to do"

"Why not?"

"She said… she said I would have to believe her because she wouldn't do the test"

Susan made a face. She knew the chances of Kem being pregnant again were small, even because they didn't have sex. John stood up and put his hand on his forehead.

"Well, I guess I better go. I need to take Kem to the airport"

And he left, leaving Susan and Luka alone. They looked at each other for a moment.

"I have the impression Kem isn't pregnant"

"You think so?"

"Yes. Otherwise she would have done the test"

They stayed in silence for a while.

"Well, I guess I'll look for Abby"

Susan left the room and started looking for me. I was going out to wait for a patient, but the ambulance hit me. I fell on the floor.


	20. Worry

Chapter 20: Worry

I was hit by the ambulance and fell in the floor. I tried to ask for help but I could barely breathe because of the pain. And I quickly passed out. I woke up half an hour later and saw blood between my legs and panicked. Kerry was arriving and saw me trying to get up.

"Abby. Abby, what happened?"

"I was hit by an ambulance"

"What? Lily, get a gurney"

Kerry sighed deeply before speaking.

"Abby, I'm afraid you miscarried the baby"

I was in shock, even after I was aware I had lost my baby.

"Oh…"

I wanted to cry. I didn't know I loved this child so much. Susan saw me lying on the gurney and started following it.

"My God Abby. What happened?"

"The ambulance hit me"

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah"

They entered in a room and I slowly began to lose my senses and passed out.

"Lost the pulse"

"Start compressions"

"Charge in 30"

Lily gives the paddles to Susan.

"Ok, clear"

"No change"

"Charge in 60. Clear"

"PPs 100 over 70 and dropping"

"5 epi"

"Go get the sonosite"

Lily goes to the other room.

"Can I get the sonosite?"

"Sure. What happened?"

"Abby probably miscarried"

Luka and Gallant lift their heads and look through the window.

"Let's take her to surgery"

Lizzie and the nurses make their way to the OR and Luka and Gallant walk in the room I was.

"How is she?"

"We're trying to make her come back"

John was saying goodbye to Kem at the airport.

"When are you going to Africa?"

"Well… I'm not"

"What? Why?"

"You said I would have to believe in you. Well, I won't take over this child until I know if I'm actually the father"

"It's because of her, isn't it?"

"What?"

"Your ex"

"Abby? She's not my ex. You are. I'm marrying her. Which means there's no come back for me and you"

"Lily, page Carter"

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

He didn't say anything.

"Are you?"

He was about to answer when he pager rang. He took it to see who was.

"It's from County. I need to go" – He started to run, but stopped, turned and walked to her – "Yes, Kem, I'm in love with her. I missed her. I missed everything I've been through with her. I'm in love with her. I've always been"

And with that he ran and headed to County. He arrived and ran inside.

"Susan, did you page me?"

"It was Lily. But there's something you gotta see"

"You're scaring me. What is it?"

Susan takes him to the OB and walks in with him. He got shocked with what he saw.

"Abby!" – He ran to my side.

"She was hit by an ambulance"

"What?"

John was terrified.

"And she lost the baby"

He looked at me still not believing on what was happening.


	21. Sadness

Chapter 21: Sadness

"I'm sorry"

John sat down and grabbed my hand. His eyes filled with water.

"At least… at least she's ok, right?"

"Yes" – Susan put her hand on his shoulder – "I'll leave you alone with her"

She left the room and watched him through the window before leaving. He gently squeezed my hand and caressed my face with the back of his hand. Tears continually fells from his eyes.

"Abby… you might not hear me and it's easier this way" – He sighed – "I love you. I love you. So much. But you already know it" – He laughed dryly and with pain – "And I'm so relieved that you're ok. I don't know what I would do without you. And even we had lost this baby, many others will come. But I don't want to scary you and press you, ok? I'll wait until you're ready. Taking the time you need"

John got up and left the room. Susan was going to check on me.

"Carter"

He turned and Susan stretched her arms. He walked towards her and hugged her and let the tears fall.

"It's ok"

"It's my fault"

"It's not. It'd have happened anyway"

"Yeah, I guess"

"Don't blame yourself. And now it's going to be easier to get over it" – She thought about what she had just said – "Sorry"

John smiled.

"Thank you"

"Anytime"

They stare at each other for a moment.

"Well… I guess I'll go check on Abby"

Susan walks into the room.

"Hey, how are you?"

"A little confused"

"It's normal"

"So… did I really miscarry my son?"

"Yes, I'm sorry"

I bit my lip and my eyes watered up.

"Carter was here until now. I found him in the hall. He couldn't stop crying. He was very sad"

"I bet he still is" – I held my breath for a moment – "I told you… I wanted to abort it. But… I wouldn't be brave enough"

"I know you wouldn't"

I wiped away the tears from my face and Susan felt a pain on her heart.

"Want me to call him?"

I just shook my head.

"Ok, I'll call him"

Susan gets up and leaves the room. She saw him sleeping on the couch.

"Carter" – She shook him gently – "Carter. Wake up"

"Ahn?" – He rubbed his eyes, half sleepy.

"Abby wants to see you"

He stood up.

"Ok, thanks"

"I'll be in the ER if you need me"

"Thank you"

John headed to the room and slowly opened the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Yes"

"Wanted to see me?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I didn't see the ambulance. I swear. I'm sorry"

Tears fell from my eyes and his own were watered up. He walked towards me, sat down and grabbed me hand.

"Honey, it's ok. It's not your fault. It's something we can't avoid"

"I already loved him, you know? I loved him"

"I know"

Tears didn't stop falling from my eyes and I was already sobering. He got up and hugged me.

"I know, my love. But it's ok. I'm here"

I put my arms around him and the both of us cried, each one on the other's shoulder. He pulled away from me and walked to where the baby was.

"He is so beautiful"

He bit his lip to stop the tears from falling.

"You should hold him"

I got up and walked to him. I caressed the baby's face before picking him up. I cried looking at him and John put his arm around my waist and I placed my head on his shoulder. He placed his own on mine and we cried.


	22. A New Life

Chapter 22: A New Life

In the following weeks, John and me haven't talked to each other. Neither of us wanted to talk about what happened weeks ago. And neither of us wanted to be the first one to talk with the other one. We were sleeping in different houses too.

"How are you?"

"Could be better. I lost my son 2 months ago. But I'm ok. Thanks"

"If you need…"

"I know. Thanks"

I went to see a patient and John went to pick a chart.

"Hey, how the things going?"

"Almost good"

"Have you spoken to Abby lately?"

"No"

"Yeah, I could imagine"

"I'm planning a surprise for her"

"Really? What surprise?"

"Wait and see"

And with that he left. Susan stared at him as he walked away.

_He really loves her. These two are soul mates. They're perfect for each other._

On next week's Friday, flowers were coming hour after hour to me since I started her shift. Soon enough, County was full of roses with many colors.

"Who sent this to you?" – Sam asked, though she already knew the answer.

I looked at her.

"John"

"Wow, he really loves you"

"Yeah"

"And do you?"

I took a while to answer.

"Abby?"

"Yeah"

"You love him?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. I'm in love with him"

Sam smiled at me and I smiled back.

"Well, I guess I'll be going now"

"See you tomorrow"

"See ya"

I took the EL and quickly arrived home. I was opening the door when I saw a box on the floor. I opened it and smiled when I saw what was inside of it.

"Oh hey, sweetheart. You're cute. How long are you here?"

I asked as she held the puppy.

_John. We've known each other for seven years and you still surprise me._

I walked in and put the box with the puppy in my bedroom. Then I headed to my closet and took some clothes.

"Be nice. I'll be right back"

I went to take shower and half an hour later I walked in my bedroom again.

"You're really cute, you know?"

Suddenly, I heard a song be playing out loud under my window.

"Who's the crazy person?"

I walked towards the window to see who it was.

"John? What are you doing here? It's raining a lot. Come in"

"Ahn… I always thought there was a perfect person to each one. And once you found that person, everything else would gradually fade away, like magic"

Another song began to be played.

"Get down here"

I smiled and got down.

"It was love at first sight. When I saw you 5 months ago, I fell in love all over again"

"John"

I put my hands on his face and smiled. He kneeled down and held my hand with one of his and took a little box from his pocket with the other one.

"It took 3 years, but better now than never. I'm in love with you Abby. Nothing or nobody will ever change that. So…" – He put the ring on my finger – "Abby, will you marry me?"

He looked up at me.

"I never said I didn't want anymore" – I sighed – "Yes, John Carter. I will marry you"

He smiled and stood up. Then he looked straight in my eyes for a long moment. He wrapped me with his arms and brought me closer to him.

"It can take a week, a month, a year or two years for you to want to try again. But I'll wait. I'll wait for you til the day you're ready. And I won't date any other women. I'll wait for you. I wanna marry you. I want you. I need you"

"John"

"I'll never leave you again. I love you Abby"

"I know. I love you too. And a puppy?"

He smiles at me and I smiles back. Our lips lock in a passionate kiss.

"I love you John"

"I love you too, Abby. More than anything"

And our lips lock in another passionate kiss with the rain falling over us.

**The End**


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